Chris Trapasso (with some Waldman sarcasm) tallies the votes and reveals the finalists for who we’d pick to defend our planet in a game with an alien race.
By Chris Trapasso and Matt Waldman
The scenario is simple, albeit nutty: If an alien race invades earth and challenges the human race to a football game for the right to the planet, which quarterback from any era of history would we choose to defend our planet?
The follow-up question to this piece of science fiction included us picking a college passer just in case the aliens wouldn’t allow us to pick a current pro or all-time pro that they could reanimate to his prime.
The Twitter/RSP population has spoken.
There was an overwhelming favorite, but let’s start with some fun tidbits from the selection process.
- Clemson’s Tajh Boyd received as many votes as Drew Brees and Tim Tebow (1) – These three votes span the entire quality spectrum of the position. As well as the range of our voters’ survival instincts.
- Wyoming’s Brett Smith, earned the same number of votes as Dan Marino – Smith, who is slowly but surely falling into the “overrated because he’s so underrated” category among draftniks, received two votes—the same as Marino. Both have fast releases and can maneuver a pocket. Marino was just far more efficient at doing so. Personally we think the votes for Smith were to create a “Cowboys vs. Aliens” headline. No dice.
- Jimmy Garoppolo earned one more vote than Joe Namath – Making good on guarantees doesn’t mean much anymore. I supposed that has to do with us being products of an informercial generation. Garoppolo captured more votes than Steve Young and Ben Roethlisberger. Good thing these were minority votes, we’d be enslaved by now.
- College QBs were easier to pick than the NFL – The variety of great NFL quarterbacks split the vote for the pro player far more than the college passers. This is why players like Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger, Steve Young, and even some of our NFL finalists received fewer votes than middling college players above.
Now that we’ve finished profiling the voters who wanted to a chance to live free of alien rule, enslavement, or total annihlation, one man triumphantly stood out among his fellow gun-slinging peers— Johnny Manziel.
Manziel earned a whopping 40 votes out of a possible 88. Louisville’s Teddy Bridgewater was Manziel’s closest competitor, prospect or not, with 19 votes.
These two talented youngsters have yet to take a snap in the NFL. However, folks must have watched Manziel against Alabama and figured if he could hold his own against the Crimson tide, he could stare down an alien A-gap blitz. Plus, we have our suspicions that Nick Saban is an alien spy.
Manziel and Bridgewater represent two of the three college finalists. Blake Bortles earned the third spot (the play-not-to-lose GM vote). We’ll be shocked if Manziel doesn’t win the college vote. However, the NFL/All-time vote is still up for grabs.
Rookie QBs
Johnny Manziel (40 votes)
Teddy Bridgewater (19 votes)
Blake Bortles (7 votes)
All-Time or Current QBs
Joe Montana (14 votes)
Joe Montana (14 votes)
Peyton Manning (11 votes)
Brett Favre (6 votes)
Matt will profile the pros and cons for each and hold a vote for the final two.
4 responses to “The QB to Defend the Planet: The Finalists”
I still maintain that when faced with the annihilation of the human species, not making a fatal mistake while still having a strong chance of winning trumps all. Russell Wilson fills that bill. Who else?
…as Manziel runs out of the back of the pocket he disappears into a black hole, and the aliens turn the rest of us into newts.
I know he will be left off the pro ballet for the final two but I may make a brief argument for Brett Lorenzo Favre. One thing I don’t know about a potential match with the aliens is how naturally out gunned we are physically. One thing I want in a game is a willingness to win the game even if it means taking the bulk of the blame if you end up losing.
When the Vikings lost the championship game against the Saints there became a popular narrative that they were in fg range. The truth was they were outside of the range where Longwell could kick after the too many men in the huddle. Favre had three options play it safe let Longwell miss and the blame goes to him, 2) run it (which is why I am taking 96 Favre) or 3) throw a low percentage pass that wins you the game or sends you to overtime.
I want the qb who I know at the end of the game is going to if necessary go option 3 rather than option 1. You play to win the game. Even though we are probably sending our best kicker. Favre was always willing to take the heat for a bad result, even though it might have been the only way to win. If there are 4 seconds left in a tie game I want my guy throwing to the end zone and not waiting for OT. If we are down 14 I want the guy who is going to throw to a covered Calvin Johnson or Gronk and say make a play with your ball skills and get us back in the game. I don’t want the guy checking down and hoping to keep the game close, this is for our freedom.
Completely different note, I want the arm strength to challenge every part of field. I assume we are also getting to send our best at other positions, and Favre’s arm lets us take better advantage of Moss, Calvin Johnson and Gronk deep while still working it to Rice, and Graham on slants over the middle of the field. Manning and Montana are tactiticions but we are up against unknown physical freaks. We can’t afford to have them not respect us deep if they have superior closing speed. We need to send a guy with a top 5 cannon all time.
Finally I would be worried about a qb holding up against the pass rush featuring four predators. I want to have the best chance of having my qb hang in there. Even with the greatest line ever in front of Favre and a limited def. coordinator for the aliens they are going to get some serious qb hits. I think durability alone leaves it to a Manning v. Favre debate. Montana is too small and not likely to be able to withstand the hits. Favre lit up the bears for 5tds on a severely sprained ankle we need someone who can play hurt.
Further I am going to want that 90s Packer screen game going to Barry Sanders to try and get that rush slowed down. Favre had the rb screens down better that either of the other two options.
To me it might be closer if we put him up against Elway, I think for humanity we need to send Brett Favre.
Very well thought out response I wouldn’t overlook some of the old school guys either, back when you could do everything short of lynch the quarterback guys had to be pretty tough. A Bart Starr or Otto Graham